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Justin M. Stoddard

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Another Correspondence from Eric D. Dixon to Justin M. Stoddard
December 11, 2003 — 9:15 pm

There was no date on this letter. As far as I can figure, it was probably written sometime in early 1990.

So is this:



(Try reading straight down in columns.)

Deeeeer Reba:

Hahaha! Boy, that was sure funny, huh? Well – today’s the big day, huh? Huh? Well – today’s the big day, huh? Huh? Well – today is the big day, depending on just what day today is. ‘Tis a strange thing, the U.S. Postal Service time continuum. I could say “today” (not used here as part of a direct quote.), and I would be talking about today. Whereas, when you read this, you would be reading it today. But it wouldn’t be today, because only today is today. When you think of today, you’re thinking of today, whereas I’m thinking of today, which is a totally different today than today than today is. That is, if today were really today and not today, then today wouldn’t be today at all, but today. Got it? I felt very tempted to start a new paragraph back there, right after “Got it?”, but overcame the urge. I think I’ll start one now.

Hahaha! boy, that was sure funny huh? Well – today is the big day, huh? Huh? Well – just kidding! I started an old paragraph, not a new one! but I did start a new pencil. It is darker than the other one. I just wanted you to know that. If my assumptions about the U.S. Postal Service are correct, then today is Friday! The big day! Have you figured out Allison yet? I hope so. but, if not, I have part of a handy step by step solution here that I found in the recent best-selleing book, “How to Figure out Allison.”

Give it a try.

1: After orienting the middle cubes, and the bottom cubes are misaligned, look at the top right hand corner cube and the posterior side, and turn it so the side with the blue-faced cube has resumed breathing and is now facing 11 degrees Southwest of North. Then use this handy formula:

1 1/2: F+B-R-D2C3POQX3+R2D2-XYZ.

(not used here

as a direct


Use Caution.)

2: Eat a lot of mayonnaise.

3: Throw up and go to bed.

You should have her figured out in no time. You know? I think that last step is really the key to understanding women. I mean – I used to throw up a lot and I usually go to bed early, and look how great I understand women

Any word how the Mayor’s Ball went? I hope it was a real ball. Well – I guess it was a ball, but was the ball a real ball? Any word? No, not any word. I mean, some kind of specific type of word. You’ll figure it out.


GUESS WHATT!!!! know there’s two ‘T’s there. Besides. It’s not used as a direct quote. Use caution.

GUESS WHAT!!!!!!!!

I got hit by a car on Friday before I left! No, really! I was crossing Sandy, with my sister (Shannon), bringing her home from the babysitter’s house. We stopped, looked both ways, no cars were coming, so we started to run. This other car was turning on Sandy, and he hit us close to the middle of the street. It was not good. I went to a church dance that night, of course with the idea that I wouldn’t dance or smile or show any sign of visible activity. I found an unlocked room that had a piano in it, and stayed there for awhile, until I got kicked out. Then I walked around, looking very stoic, like I was above all this. Then I walked around outside for about half an hour, then my foot really started hurting, so I called my dad to come get me early and take me to the emergency room because I thought I had a broken foot. I didn’t. but I’ve had to use crutches for the last three days.

I am having an absolutely wonderful time out here. Right now I’m in Salt Lake at my uncle Darrell’s house, for the last three days I’ve been in Boise, Idaho at my grandparent’s house. We’re leaving for BYU tomorrow. (Today is Tuesday. Well, it’s not Tuesday for you, unless the mail persons [note: non-sexist terminology that will not offend Andrea Grant. Not used here as a direct quote. Use caution.] have wiped out the differing time continuum.)

Say hi to Travers, and Aliksandr and Alex and Heather and Leslie and Kirsten and Andrea and Greg and Matt and Ethan and Ted and John and Joe and Bob and Johnny Joe Jim Bob and Mr. Barbur. (Just kidding!! I wouldn’t dream of making you say hi to Mr. Barbur.) Signing off,

Eric D. Dixon

“Faster than Cash”

“Charge it in seconds!”

How. Having heap good time.




— Justin M. StoddardComments (0)

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