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Justin M. Stoddard


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About 30 Dollars
June 1, 2004 — 5:30 pm

The other day, our oldest daughter discovered that one of her teeth was a little loose. I was a tad skeptical when she informed me of this as I was under the impression that children do not start losing their baby teeth until they are about 7 years of age. Jordan is not 7 years of age, she is only 5.

However, upon investigation, I confirmed that yes, indeed, her tooth was loose. After some searching on the good old Internet (Thanks Mr. Gore), I found that it is rather common for children to start loosing their baby teeth at the tender age of 5.

Now, of course, this is a major event in a child’s life. Even a perceived unsentimental male, such as myself and a little under half the human race, gets ever so slightly choked up when it is reflected upon. There before me stands a 5 year old girl with a loose tooth but, all I see is a young woman marching down the wedding isle.

Anyway, Jordan is quite excited about the whole prospect of having a visit from the Tooth Fairy and the monetary rewards that await her. We were having an earnest discussion the other night about said Tooth Fairy and all the physics involved in Her/its nocturnal visits. (Step one, collect teeth, Step three…Profit!). After that was all out of the way, I asked my little angel just how much money she expected the Tooth Fairy to leave behind.

She gave me a very serious look and thought about it for just a couple of seconds. She then said (And I swear to G-d this is true) “I think I should get about 30 dollars”.

Why, that little monster! 30 dollars! Does she think that I’m…I mean the Tooth Fairy is made of money? I mean, Come on! Now, when I was a child, the going rate for a tooth was .25 cents. I freely admit that was in 1976 so it may be unfair to make that comparison. However, even when you take inflation into account, .25 cents in 1976 still only comes to .83 cents in 2004 money.

I may be willing to go up to $1 but, that’s my absolute limit.

I just got done talking to a friend of mine who kindly informed me that the going rate for a tooth in his neighborhood is $20.

Ok, maybe I’ll go to $10. But, by G-d no further! And 90% of that is going towards her college education. Maybe then she can explain to me how the Tooth Fairy got so freaking rich. Step three indeed.

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— Justin M. StoddardComments (0)

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