Well, today is the day. After a little more than 11 years of service, I make my final exit from the United States Army. The past decade has seen me in many far away places like Bosnia, Germany, Italy, Hawaii, France, Hungary, England, etc., etc.

I’ve not regretted one minute of time spent in uniform. I’ve made dozens of friends that will forever be near and dear to me. I’ve seen a good portion of the world, learned to speak a foreign language, got married and had two beautiful daughters. Not a bad accomplishment for one decade of my life.

Now, that being said, there are a few things that I must get off my chest. I’ve seen my share of stupidity over the years. Stupid officers, stupid NCOs and just plain stupid soldiers doing incredibly asinine things. However, the most incredible acts of buffoonery come not from within the ranks in which I served, but rather from the public at large. That’s right — you, John Q. Public.

First, let me speak directly to you flag-waving lunatics out there. You know exactly who I’m talking about. Those of you who proudly fly your ever-visible U.S. flag on every piece of property you own. Cars, trucks, houses, mailboxes, T-shirts, key chains, hats, bumper stickers. Oh yes, bumper stickers. Proud to be an American, We won’t back down!, These Colors Don’t Run, God Bless America, The Power of Pride. As if slapping some patriotic clichés on your car and hoisting Old Glory in that age-old battle of mine is bigger than yours makes you a real, dyed-in-the-wool, true-blue Patriot.

Puhleeaazze.

Your ilk has been running amok for far too long. Raising the flag and being proud of your country is admirable. It shows that you count yourself as a citizen, no better or worse than any man or woman, and are equal under the law. You show that you take pride in being involved in your community and you value freedom and peace above all. The true patriot understands that the price of liberty is vigilance. Not vigilance against the “foreign horde,” as the current Know-Nothings of this country would have you believe, but against any who would dare put their soiled hands upon your freedoms.

Let me see if I can make you understand. Al-Qaeda can’t take away our freedoms; Saddam Hussein can’t impede upon our liberties; a whole street gang full of Osama bin-Ladens could do absolutely nothing to enslave you. The simple truth is that you, you so-called American citizens, are the only ones responsible for the erosion of our basic rights. There you stand, apoplectic with patriotic fervor, cheering us on as we march into the breach. Oh, what heros, you say. We support our troops, you say.

You can take your support and shove it up your collective asses. Heroes, you say? Well, I call you all cowards. Do you think that singing God Bless America over and over again is going to hide the fact that you are the worst kind of wimps? The boogey man goes BOO and you scurry like cockroaches in the light. When are you going to grow up and realize that by using us (the military) as your proxy, you are doing more to damage the blessings of liberty than any communist, terrorist, socialist, or Nazi could ever do.

A piece of advice: If you really want to be a patriot, start studying our history. Start by putting down that book by Ann Coulter or Michael Savage or Sean Hannity and try, for once, to glean something meaningful from our rich and wonderfully interesting history. Try to understand that our forefathers did not fight a revolution against tyranny so we could be traipsing around the globe two centuries later turning their beloved Republic into a discredited Empire. I call it their Republic because the American people have nearly lost all rights to stake their claim. I would suggest reading the Federalist Papers to begin with, then move on to the Anti-Federalist papers.

If you want Saddam out of power, then by all means, put on a uniform and start a local militia. If you can get enough people to agree with you, then rent some charter planes and go on over; I don’t think anyone would stop you. Don’t rape the rest of the country because you are scared of a tin pot dictator halfway around the globe. If it’s not really about the weapons of mass destruction and more about Iraqis’ depraved living conditions, then put your money where your mouth is. Start a charity, organize a bake sale. For the love of God, do something, anything. Of course, cowards will always get others to do their work for them, I suppose.

It’s time to grow up, America. Stop hiding under your beds. Stop looking for the boogey man around every corner. For the love of God, stop prostrating yourself at every governmental decree. Stand up and be counted. Start exercising your brains. It speaks volumes that a charlatan like Ann Coulter has the current second-highest-selling book on Amazon.com. It is not startling to me that high comedians like Michael Savage suggest that a forced labor camp should be the reward of any American who disagrees with our Iraq policy. What absolutely dumbfounds me is that this cartoon character is taken seriously by millions of Americans.

Come on, conservatives. Is that the best you’ve got? Have we really gone from this:

Wherever the standard of freedom and independence has been or shall be unfurled, there will be America’s heart, her benedictions and prayers, but she goes not abroad in search of monsters to destroy. She is the well-wisher to the freedom and independence of all. She is the champion and vindicator of her own.
–John Quincy Adams

To this:

We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity. We weren’t punctilious about locating and punishing only Hitler and his top officers. We carpet-bombed German cities; we killed civilians. That’s war. And this is war.
–Ann Coulter

From this:

If men, through fear, fraud, or mistake, should in terms renounce or give up any natural right, the eternal law of reason and the grand end of society would absolutely vacate such renunciation. The right to freedom being the gift of Almighty God, it is not in the power of man to alienate this gift and voluntarily become a slave.
–Samuel Adams

To this:

Once the war against Saddam Hussein begins, we expect every American to support our military, and if you can’t do that, just shut up. Americans, and indeed our foreign allies who actively work against our military once the war is underway, will be considered enemies of the state by me.
–Bill O’Reilly

Or this:

President Bush should declare: Middle Eastern immigrants can no longer leave America without a thorough examination by the FBI. You come in nice and easy, and we didn’t say a word. But you’re not getting out. That’s all. You want to leave? Go to the FBI. We’ll let you out in a few years.
–Michael Savage

Ann Coulter, Bill O’Reilly and Michael Savage know as much about the ideas of Liberty as I know about bee keeping. Nada, nothing, zilch. The people who take these clowns seriously are just as bad, if not worse. You allowed yourself to be duped. Shame on you.

Freedom and Liberty are your birthright. Of course, you are free not to exercise your rights — but please, if that is your decision, at least have the intelligence to sit down and shut the hell up before we all get what you are asking for, and worse.

And, oh yeah: Go Dixie Chicks! FUTK!

— Justin M. Stoddard, former Staff Sergeant, United States Army