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Evel Justin
M. Stoddard


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What kind of a stupid name is The Shrubbloggers? Why is the front page filled with old crap?

Evel By Name; Not By Nature
June 14, 2003 — 1159 p.m.

The guy who built Caesar's Palace once told me I was the biggest gambler Vegas had ever seen because I didn't gamble with money. I gambled with my life. I was hurt an awful lot. I was shell shocked. I couldn't pull the trigger any more. There are a lot of myths about my injuries. That was the fault and the misinterpretation of the press. Believe nothing of what you read, and half of what you see. They say I have broken every bone in my body. Not true. But I have broken 35 bones. I had surgery fourteen times to pin and plate. I shattered my pelvis. I forget all of the things that have broke.

I have had young women, I have had old women. So what? I don't see what the fuss is about. I had about two a week. My record was eight in one 24-hour period. It got to be a real problem. I had to see a psychiatrist. I asked him why it was that women kept throwing themselves at me and he explained it like this. He said, "Look, to start with you are not a bad looking guy. Secondly, your identity is danger; women, their chemistry, are attracted to danger. Then you are Evel by name, but not by nature, so you won't harm them. Women unhappy at home looking for an affair are just drawn to you like a magnet. You stick out like a sore thumb." I guess he was right. I am not bragging. It was true. I had to have security guards keep women from my hotel room.

You know, women are the root of all evil. And I know, I am Evel. Look at Adam and Eve. It wasn't Adam who picked up the apple, was it? Ghengis Khan, brought down by a woman. That ain't going to happen to me. Women are like buses. Good to ride on for 15 minutes. But they forget that if you get off, there will be another one along in 15 minutes. And another one, and another one. You know, women seem to forget who it is who buys the diamonds.

There are two professions on the face of this earth that will always survive. One's being a whore . . . and one's spilling your blood. I'm one of those.

People said I wasn't scared before a jump. That is bullshit. I was scared. I'd have a shot of Wild Turkey whisky before each jump to calm myself. I'd get this knot in my stomach and this lump in my throat everytime. And I love that feeling. People who go around wearing "No Fear" t-shirts now are full of shit. Fear is high octane fuel for success. You have got to know how to handle it, how to harness it. If you risk your life you have got to have fear.

They don't ask me to jump. I just turn up, smile, pose for the cameras and they give me money. It is quite a career. In the old days they, the promoters, wanted more and more from me. They wanted me to jump or spill my blood and break my bones. Every time they wanted me to jump further, and further, and further. Hell, they thought my bike had wings.

I am who I am. I'm not going to change. I'll settle down the day they put me in a 6-foot pine box. Anyone who's afraid of dying is an idiot.

— Evel Justin M. Stoddard
Sorbet de Toilet
June 11, 2003 — 3:10 a.m.

This J-Walk blog is great. Links to The Amazing and Versatile Food Suit, feral children, the Art Garfunkel reading library, Tom Volk's Fungus of the Month pages, the Amazing Asian Snack Selection, and much more.

And have you been searching for a great new flavor? Perhaps an exotic fruit that tastes like banana pudding with "just a touch of butterscotch, vanilla, peach, pineapple, strawberry, and almond flavors, and a surprising twist of — garlic??!!" Then you need to wrap your tongue around a durian:

It's one of the remarkable traits of this remarkable fruit that so many people, especially in Eastern cultures, totally, wildly, enthusiastically enjoy everything about durians, including their fragrance, while many others, mostly from Western cultures, are repulsed by the same fragrance and say that it "stinks." Particularly in Southeast Asia, durians are loved by millions of people with a passion and near-reverence quite unusual for mere food. Meanwhile in the West, durians have gained a notorious reputation for their unfamiliar and strong aroma, largely as a result of Western travel writers and horticultural writers delighting in using snide phrases like "unbearable stench," "rotten onions with limburger cheese and low-tide seaweed," "French custard passed through a sewer pipe," or "like sitting on the toilet eating your favorite ice cream."

— Eric D. Dixon
Write Better Emails
June 11, 2003 — 2:42 a.m.

Hey, are you Nigerian? Then yes, you too can learn how to scam gullible foreigners out of their "moneys."

"I AM FIRMLY CONVINCED THAT USING UPPERCASE LETTERS MAKES MY WRITING MORE EFFECTIVE." - Mr. Ibrahim Ahmed

If only it were real. Now that would be funny . . .

— Eric D. Dixon

Eric D. Dixon


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